Friday, May 12, 2006

Dear blog,
i am so inspired to 'write' to you for the moment.. yet i cant seemed to be able to think of something nice to start with.
many many things have took place.. oh wait.. i'm not so sure.

i have never [yes NEVER] realised how depressed i am.. well tht's besides the point.
to think of how much more of my life will continue to be more and more screwed.
to think tht if this is to much to endure.
to think of just letting it all go.
to think tht.. this might be the last and yet, it's not.

and i'm a walking, talking, moving, living contradiction.
the facade i put on, the charade i portray.
the heaps of confounded catechization
the fables i share
the responsibilty i shunned aside
the fact tht i refused to not be oblivious
the failures i cant seem to avoid n heading my way real fast

to always be smiling when the ugly truth is vice versa.
to always try cheer someone up when [ditto]
to always be laughing when deep down it is choked and waiting to burst
the wiles i used tht happened to work.
the voices i hear and speak to, in me.
yes, and the lies i have to carry.

how i want to come apart at the seam tht seemed barely possible.
how badly jinxed i am [the cracked phone, the rip apart shoes, the cursings, the lectures.. all at the same day]

and the irony i have tht the world is so squared.
and 6,608 number of days i have lived till this very moment.
and the time i've calmly massacre when i'm supposed to clearing my room

oh well.. back to cleaning. or shld i say. i better start since it's erm.. 2320 now.

as cliche as this might sound.. this is so random...... hah!

Mmairah said sth at....:10:01 PM